Circle of Life

A picture I took

 

‎Our son had a son

They both have your soulful eyes

And our grandson has his mom’s dark hair and easiness

I wish you were here to hold him

And sing to him with your whole heart

Or just watch his delightful squirming and cooing sleep.

I wish you were here to hold me,

Because being with him is both breaking me and making me

Want to stay.

Once you told me the goal of life is to keep the lift in the heart

while embracing unbearable aches and pains

To go on and on through everything.

After you, before him

I had these long stretches of killing time

Now, I have long stretches of loving him

Of feeling my purpose swell

Of wondering if, like our boy,

he will be a shy wonder who loves iced tea, sea shells and science.

The years will reveal him

But for now

I look at him I see the best of all of us and you a thousand times.

He has found his thumb, self-comforting at a month

Like you, he asks for little and gives much

Maybe you are still hovering by; it hasn’t been that long

Or you got recycled into a bird or a tree which his mom believes possible

Or you’re just in the air, because

When I hold him and say your name, he really perks up

Today, I said it again and he smiled his first real smile

And I cried happy tears on his forehead that I wonder if he will remember it as rain.