All The Feels

Do I have to say that last week was TOO much?

I feel like as a nation, we just performed an exorcism.

Just got out of an abusive relationship.

Just aged four more years.

Just barely got out alive.

Emotionally, I was chill election night because I stuck to my plan of NOT PAYING ONE BIT OF ATTENTION to the news and EXTREME SELF-CARE.

The next day, I plugged in and was wholly disenchanted and furious. How was the vote so close? If you put any two Americans in a room, one of them voted for 46 and one for 45. How was this possible after all the chaos, crazy-scary stunts, shoddy leadership, malicious lies, inhumanity and bullshit we witnessed flung out of the White House these last four years?

I fed the cat and went back to bed. I debriefed with two people about it. We cried angry tears and swore. Put the phone back on Do Not Disturb. Worked that day in my fuzzy onesie, but I wouldn’t trust anything I did.

Wednesday was a wash.

Thursday, I lit some incense, prayed and crawled back onto my yoga mat for an hour. Checking the numbers again, I wasn’t nearly as fazed. I still wasn’t sure how it was going to go, but I knew who I was going to be. Regardless.

Went to work and later refreshed the numbers like a maniac. For an hour. The saving grace was that it was my BFF’s birthday, so I Grub-Hubbed her her favorite meal. Carbs are my kryptonite, but I didn’t even pretend to try to stop myself from making a noodle and sushi run before we met online to celebrate her day and share a meal.

Early evening found me puzzling and laying on the floor in fetal position until the cat found me and inquired about some scritching and her food. I had leftover jambalaya, a glass of wine and binge-watched Mr. Bean.

By Friday, I’d lost the will to check on electoral college votes. I worked out like I was in training for something beyond the moment and deep-cleaned my house, lit some sage. I couldn’t get away from updates later though because I had a Crisis Clinic shift. There were 200+ calls in the cue when I logged in. The most I’ve ever seen in the years I’ve been a counselor is 20. Fortunately, helping others was a calming distraction for me.

When I signed out, it felt good to have been of service. Had a little dinner, a little Dave Chappelle and topped the night off with candlelight yoga.

Early Saturday morning , I was still in my bubble, lots of music and dancing. I’d decided someone was going to have to call me and tell me when the race was done because I had mentally left America. It was my big brother. Of course, the good news was a HUGE RELIEF and I savored President-Elect Biden’s and Vice-President Elect Harris’s hopeful, restorative, sane-sounding speeches. I still don’t like winning by a hair, but I’ll take it. We’ll take it.

I feel like as a nation, we just performed an exorcism.

Just got out of an abusive relationship.

Just aged four more years.

Just barely got out alive.

Let’s all take the week off. Who am I kidding – let’s take a year off.

How are you doing?

6 thoughts on “All The Feels

  1. Gosh, I loved this post… smiling… waiting those four days (hell, four years) was not great, the race was disturbingly close. How can half our nation support such a thug? It is beyond me. Our nation has a lot of healing to do. Ready for the miracle, we got start somewhere. ❤

  2. LOL and also tears. This is the most accurate photo journal of that week’s events. Luckily, Dwight was celebrating his 50th bday, so I was otherwise preoccupied; otherwise, this may have been me, too.

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