Be Still

_{Photo by Blake Cheek on Unsplash}

Once in a blue moon, I find myself riding impossibly huge waves of anxiety and hope with the kind of watery force that carved the Grand Canyon.

It started last week when I drew in my ballot, hugging blue all the way down.

Although, I’ve voted by mail in Washington state for about two decades now, it’s the first time I didn’t trust the mail. Not only that. After taking a picture of my ballot (yes, I did), I took a scenic drive to an official ballot box in affluent adjacent neighborhood, dunked it and crooked my head out the car window to hear it land. A few days later, I confirmed online that my ballot was counted.

Surrender

For days, I’ve made a game of avoiding election pundits, podcasts and polls. It’s too much, so I’m protecting my nervous system. 2016 almost wrecked me. I can’t watch the election returns today either. I just can’t. Instead, I picked out two outfits for getting the final election count (whenever it comes in)– a comfy pair of fluffy PJs that make me feel like I’m a giant teddy bear and a silk floral lounging ensemble that says I’m having a romantic evening or celebrating a new beginning.

Too, I created an election “week” playlist that begins with Donnie McClurkin’s song Stand and ends with Andre Day’s Rise Up, with a little Chopin thrown in because it feels like Prozac for my ears.

I’ve done what I had control over, I’m letting go of the rest.

Distraction

Yoga and meditation, of course, are daily gifts to myself. They balance my stress and anxiety and have stopped me from doom-scrolling news. Working out more has kept me occupied as well. My muscles are happy sore. It’s a superficial goal, but I’m conjuring up these abs by summer 2021:

_{Photo of Angela Bassett via Google Images}

Extreme self-care

My phone is on Do Not Disturb. Today, I’ll be teleworking and making Jambalaya, one of my favorite “soul” food meals. It’s a very yummy, intricate dish that requires so much prep and attention that I have to be totally present to the point that it’s like I’m meditating. Tonight, I’ll soak in a candlelit lavender bubble bath. Then, I’ll watch two of my favorite movies Girl’s Trip and Up, and end the night by taking a rare sleeping pill to just knock myself out.

The results will sort themselves out and when they do, from a very grounded place, I’ll take my hands off my eyes and look.

Take care of yourself today, tonight, tomorrow. Stay calm and hydrated. Take your vitamins, light a candle, pour a drink and pray. It will be okay because you’re okay. Do what you have to do to feel better. If you can’t change your vibe right away, step into kindness and stay there. If you need to, put the Christmas lights up early.

Love,

Nailah