How I Saved Myself From Flying Mutant Gnats

woman-bee via pixabay

Image via Pixabay

 

Last night, two flying mutant gnats attacked me on the couch.

Okay, maybe they weren’t that, and maybe they didn’t “attack” as much as I was side-swiped since I now recall reading somewhere that these winged pests don’t have the best vision.

But I was lying there with my book in the billion degree weather that encourages lying about and one crashed into my forehead, the other my nose. Swack! Splat!

And I thought: These are the kind of times a man would be handy.

I know, I know – this was crazy-thinking on so many levels for an un-princess, but I just didn’t want to deal.

It lasted an entire minute before I got up, slid the patio door screen open and tried to shoo the hovering interlopers out. By now, you may know how I feel about personal space.

They held their ground and snickered. And in sailed another one, giving me side-eye.

hornet-via pixabay.png

Image via Pixabay

 

Whaaaaaaat?

Fire, I decided and I lit a citronella candle. Down the three flew to perch on it, as content as if getting an aromatherapy treatment.

I Googled “get gnats out of house” and came across these tips, quickly settling on the simple, chemical-free suggestion of apple cider vinegar spiked with dish soap, hoping that after the thrill of the candle wore off, they’d find the bowl.

It did not say whether they would expire or race in a panic for the screen door, so it fleetingly occurred to me to YouTube pest control as well, but I was already doing too much in the heat.

Waiting them out, I grabbed a spatula (my fly swatter), added fly strips to my Amazon cart and returned to my book.

3 thoughts on “How I Saved Myself From Flying Mutant Gnats

  1. zomg, aren’t flying mutant ninja gnats The Worst??! ZERO respect for personal space. Always hogging the aromatherapy, NEVER take out the trash. Sheesh!

    *yes, I realize “ninja” is my own embellishment. Seemed to fit with the rest of your delightful story — I am still sniggering!

  2. Oh, but “ninja” fits right in there, Alice. LOL.Maybe it’s a lesson in Zen and I am supposed to pretend they don’t bother me; that we can co-habitate. Bleck!

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